Accountants boring? Surely not.

• How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
• What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? The accountant knows he is boring.

Bankers

• What do they call a Banker with half a brain? Gifted.
• What do you call 10 Bankers sitting in a circle? Dope Ring.
• How do you make a Banker laugh on Tuesday? Tell a joke on Monday.

Credit crunch

• Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. 'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'
• 'Go away!' I said. 'I haven't got any money!', 'I'm broke!' and proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open. 'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet.
• 'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Sir, I will personally eat the remainder.' I stepped back and said, 'Well I hope you've got a bloody good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning.
• What part of 'broke' do you not understand?'
• What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.

The mean accountant

• How was copper wire invented? Two accountants were arguing over a penny.

Misleading corporate speak

• "Trading is in line with the Board's expectations..." Our expectations were pretty low anyway.

Tax

• No respectable person is in favour of nudity, but after paying taxes, some of us may not have any other choice.
• Regardless of who wins the election they have to raise taxes to pay for the damage.
• The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing £1000 bet: The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
• Many people had tried over time but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
• The crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the £1000, and asked the little man "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?" "No" The man replied, "I work for the tax office".